A Farewell to Carbs

A 30-something navigating the world of Type 2 Diabetes while remaining fun, fashionable and fabulous.

Gym angst 02/09/2012

Filed under: Failing,Working out — Diabetic Diva @ 8:05 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I have been having a really hard time motivating myself to go to the gym. I just don’t want to go. Maybe it’s the weather. I don’t know.

Anyhow. I came across this comic about what different types of people are thinking about other people working out around them at the gym. It’s hilarious and I thought I’d share. It’s from one of my favorite web comics artist, The Oatmeal. Just a warning. There’s some language that some would consider suggestive, though I don’t think it’s too bad: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/gym

Your turn: How do you summon the motivation to exercise?

 

Making the choice 02/02/2012


“Life is a sum of all your choices.” –  Albert Camus

Every day for more years than I care to remember, I have made a choice to be unhealthy.

I have chosen to polish off that bag of sour cream and onion potato chips while watching television. I have chosen to skip the gym. I have chosen the gargantuan steak and french fries when I meet friends at a restaurant. I have chosen to drive rather than walk to the corner store. I have chosen to ignore all good sense when it comes to what I eat , when I eat it and how I can make up for it with moving more.

There was a brief time a few years back that I chose differently. I chose to watch what I eat, to treat the gym as a requirement instead of an option, to take small steps to improve my life. As a result, I lost 75 pounds in the space of a year. I started dating a cute boy. I improved my wardrobe options. I didn’t get winded while climbing a flight of stairs.

Then I got a new job, in a new town where I didn’t know anyone. I had a rough break up with a boy I’d been dating. I had trouble with my new boss. And I started making choices that were different from the ones that I’d been making.

All of which brings me to today. The choices I’ve made caused me to be 75+ pounds overweight. The choices I’ve made led me to be diabetic. After I was diagnosed, I continued to make bad choices.

These, plus the three pills at night, cost me more than $80 a month.

My choices have led me to being on four different medications, which cost me more than $80 a month. And if I keep making the same choices, I will die of any number of complications that come from having diabetes.

So really, my diabetes is making me choose. I either get serious about losing weight, eating right and getting healthy, or I face kidney failure, heart attack, blindness and possible amputation. When you start thinking like that, there’s really no choice at all.

That’s what I keep having to remind myself about, when that little voice in my head starts whispering that there’s always time to start getting healthy tomorrow or next week. When I get angry about my diabetes, or sad about it. When I feel lazy about going to the gym, when I get a craving for french fries or chocolate-covered caramels.

I can choose the easy way, the habits I’ve had for years now. Or I can choose better habits, ones that will lead me to a svelte figure, cute clothes and working kidneys. The choice is up to me.

Your turn: What healthy choices do you struggle with?

 

Battling self-doubt 01/13/2012


I’ve had a bad week.

I have set foot in a gym exactly once in the last six days, meaning I’ve completely blown my goal of fitting in 210 minutes of exercise for the week. I haven’t been keeping track of what I’m eating (meaning I am shoveling unspeakable amounts junk food into my mouth at all hours of the day and night). I completely gave up any facade of trying Thursday and grabbed takeout for lunch and dinner instead of sticking with my eating plan.

All that healthy food I bought over the weekend is just sitting in the fridge, slowly going bad. My sneakers and my iPod have been sitting in my bedroom, gathering dust.

I hate myself for not honoring my commitments. It’s the second full week of the month and I’m already spiraling back into all my old habits. I’m a complete failure.

I’ve been in this place before, too many times to count.  It’s a dark place to be — full of long hallways of self-loathing and entire rooms of guilt. I can’t do anything right. I don’t deserve to be thin and healthy. I’m going to die young (and alone!). I can’t stick with anything.

The worst part, I think, is that I feel crappy this week because I’m not going to the gym and making good food choices. I feel tired, sluggish and heavy.

Last week, though, I felt great. I was energetic, happy, ready to take on whatever life threw at me. After a workout, I felt sexy and fit.

Why do junk food and inertia have such power over me? How do I find the motivation to take steps toward a healthier lifestyle when it’s so much easier to wave the white flag from the couch while stuffing fistfuls of gummy bears into my mouth?

So far, the ability to stick to a diet and exercise plan has largely escaped me. What will it take for me to make these changes?

I don’t have the answers to those questions yet. Maybe I won’t ever. But I want to keep fighting, because the alternative will mean being unable to find anything other than a Hefty bag (OK, several Hefty bags with duct tape trim) to wear when the firemen are forced to bust me out the house because I’m too fat to fit through the front door.

So today I’m going to track what I eat. And I’m going to strap on my sneakers and clip on my iPod for a long workout at the gym. Maybe I’ll find my misplaced motivation there.

Your turn: What motivates you to take steps toward a healthier lifestyle?