A Farewell to Carbs

A 30-something navigating the world of Type 2 Diabetes while remaining fun, fashionable and fabulous.

Confession time! 02/13/2012

Filed under: Failing,Goals — Diabetic Diva @ 8:46 am
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I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks.

There is no excuse for this. Ihave lots of excuses. None of them are good ones. “My work schedule is crazy.” “I’m too tired to go after work.” “I don’t like getting up early to go before work.” “I’ll just watch my calories today.” “It’s cold.” “It’s raining.” “I don’t have a hair tie.” “My foot hurts.” “I parked really far away from the house.”

This is true.

It seems I’m not the only one who struggles to find motivation for exercise. This blogger I follow wrote a post about it just last week. And she’s way busier than I am.

A lot of what’s keeping her from working out are problems I have to. It’s hard. I’m fat. Everyone at the gym seems like they’re faster and fitter than I am. I’d really rather curl up with a book and have some time to relax.

But working out is one side of the fitness coin. The other side, of course, is eating right. At this point, I’m not really doing either. Six years ago, when I lost 75 pounds in a year on Weight Watchers, I was working out A LOT. Which means I could slip up a little and the exercise would cover my butt (pun intended).

And if I was adhering to my points value for the day on Weight Watchers, I’d probably still see a loss at the scale every week. But I’m going beyond my numbers every day and not racking up much exercise-wise.

The worst part is that when I live this way, I don’t feel good. The excess carbs make me sleepy and woozy. I feel out of control, like every fast food joint and every convenience store is a land of temptation just waiting to be explored mouth-first.

I feel better when I work out regularly. I sleep better and wake up feeling more refreshed. Sweating for 45 minutes clears my head of all the work stress. After a hard workout, I feel powerful and strong and sexy.

I need to get the wheels back on the cart and start over, again. Because deep down, I don’t want to be the fat girl who will never find a decent boyfriend, who feels ugly no matter what she’s wearing or how cute her hair is (all of which I feel on a 24-hour basis). I’m not that girl inside. And I need to start changing myself on the outside to let that shine through.

I wish it wasn’t so damn hard.

Your turn: What do you do to get yourself motivated for exercise? What are your favorite ways to burn calories?

 

 

Overcoming all or nothing 01/20/2012


I have a confession to make. I am a perfectionist.

Now, I know I don’t look like it. I need to lose 75 pounds and I could probably spend a little more time in the mirror before I leave for work in the mornings. Or, you know, at least make sure there aren’t any visible stains on my shirt.

I guess calling myself a perfectionist isn’t quite accurate. Really, I use the excuse of perfectionism to throw in the towel when I come up against any tiny setback or obstacle on my way to losing weight and getting healthy.

I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about. Here’s a couple of choice quotes from the voice in my head:

o You already ate that bag of chocolate this morning. You blew it. So it doesn’t matter what you do for the rest of the day, you big fat failure.

o You can’t make it to the gym today. The day is ruined anyway, so why bother even trying to eat right?

And on and on. Here’s a little nugget of truth, though: It takes 3,500 calories to gain a pound. I’ll pause for a moment to let that … uh … digest.

Come to mama, you big doughy ball of calories

That’s a lot of calories. I’m trying to eat between 2,000 and 2,500 calories a day (I’m fat, so I get to eat more and still lose weight. Woo!). So to gain a pound (a pound!), you have to eat more than an extra day’s worth of food.

Let’s be honest. I can probably plow through 3,500 calories in a day. Take me to the boardwalk at Ocean City, Maryland and I could probably do it in a couple of hours. (Mmmhhh … funnel cake. Mmmhhh …. saltwater taffy. Mmmmhhhh …. margaritas….. Oh, you’re still here. Uhhh, hello.)

Knowing that 3,500 calories makes one pound puts that 300-calorie screwup between breakfast and lunch in perspective. I’m not saying I can screw up every day. But one screwup, especially one that I can defuse quickly, shouldn’t ruin my whole week. And I’m going to focus on that the next time I’m feeling defeated about that doughnut that jumped into my mouth at work.

Your turn: What’s one of your biggest struggles as you try to lose weight? What are some strategies you use to combat them?

 

Battling self-doubt 01/13/2012


I’ve had a bad week.

I have set foot in a gym exactly once in the last six days, meaning I’ve completely blown my goal of fitting in 210 minutes of exercise for the week. I haven’t been keeping track of what I’m eating (meaning I am shoveling unspeakable amounts junk food into my mouth at all hours of the day and night). I completely gave up any facade of trying Thursday and grabbed takeout for lunch and dinner instead of sticking with my eating plan.

All that healthy food I bought over the weekend is just sitting in the fridge, slowly going bad. My sneakers and my iPod have been sitting in my bedroom, gathering dust.

I hate myself for not honoring my commitments. It’s the second full week of the month and I’m already spiraling back into all my old habits. I’m a complete failure.

I’ve been in this place before, too many times to count.  It’s a dark place to be — full of long hallways of self-loathing and entire rooms of guilt. I can’t do anything right. I don’t deserve to be thin and healthy. I’m going to die young (and alone!). I can’t stick with anything.

The worst part, I think, is that I feel crappy this week because I’m not going to the gym and making good food choices. I feel tired, sluggish and heavy.

Last week, though, I felt great. I was energetic, happy, ready to take on whatever life threw at me. After a workout, I felt sexy and fit.

Why do junk food and inertia have such power over me? How do I find the motivation to take steps toward a healthier lifestyle when it’s so much easier to wave the white flag from the couch while stuffing fistfuls of gummy bears into my mouth?

So far, the ability to stick to a diet and exercise plan has largely escaped me. What will it take for me to make these changes?

I don’t have the answers to those questions yet. Maybe I won’t ever. But I want to keep fighting, because the alternative will mean being unable to find anything other than a Hefty bag (OK, several Hefty bags with duct tape trim) to wear when the firemen are forced to bust me out the house because I’m too fat to fit through the front door.

So today I’m going to track what I eat. And I’m going to strap on my sneakers and clip on my iPod for a long workout at the gym. Maybe I’ll find my misplaced motivation there.

Your turn: What motivates you to take steps toward a healthier lifestyle?